Can you quit drinking without help? I’m sure there are people out there who would love to tell you their success story about how they’re thriving in sobriety and have never accepted help from a single soul. And actually, that was me, for a long time. Until it wasn’t.
One day, at 10:00 in the morning, I was filling my wine glass for the third time from the box on the counter. (There is nothing classy about wine when it’s coming from a box on the counter at 10 am, let me tell you.) And in that moment, I decided I had to stop. I couldn’t keep living like that anymore. So I did – I stopped. I called my husband and told him I wasn’t going to drink anymore, I put the mostly empty box in the trash, and I fought like hell to stay sober.
I didn’t drink for fourteen months, and I didn’t tell a soul. My husband knew I wasn’t drinking, but assumed it was for health reasons. I never told a single person how much of a struggle it was – and it was a struggle. I managed, but when things started getting too hard, I had nowhere to turn, no support, no one to help me know what to do next. So fourteen months in, I drank. And it took another year (and about a hundred Day Ones) for me to quit again.
Look, I’m as independent as they get. I don’t like asking for help, I don’t like needing help, and I don’t like accepting help. But what finally made it stick the second time around was… you guessed it. Getting some help. I’m sure it’s possible to stay sober without help… but you’re so much more likely to be successful (and not miserable) if you find the right kind of support.
So what stops people from getting help?
Shame and Stigma: It’s embarrassing to have to admit you’ve got a problem with alcohol. For me, it was filled with shame. Our society has done a great job of creating a stigma surrounding addiction to alcohol. Somehow, we’re all convinced that in order to be “normal”, we should be able to consume an addictive substance regularly but not become addicted to it. So to say out loud, “I’m having a hard time not drinking, and I need some help,” can be scary.
If you’ve mentioned to a friend or family member that you think you might need help quitting alcohol and you’ve been met with something other that what feels like support, there’s a good chance you might be feeling some shame about not being able to do this on your own. If you haven’t tried it yet, I would highly recommend finding another sober person to talk to. Someone who understands what you’re experiencing, and will let you know you’re not alone. That everything you’re experiencing is valid. They’ll do everything they can to help you, or point you in the direction of someone who can, and they’ll never make you feel ashamed for needing an extra boost to get you on the right track.
Financial: Getting help can be expensive. When we think of getting support for alcohol misuse and addiction, we tend to think of paid resources and support options out there, like rehab, therapy, coaching, paid support groups.
While there is certainly a multitude of paid options for help to quit drinking, there are also many sources of free or inexpensive support.
- SMART Recovery
- Recovery Dharma
- Celebrate Recovery
- Meetup or other sober communities
- Free online recovery meetings like the ones we host
Denial: It’s easy to tell ourselves we’re “not that bad.” That we aren’t in deep enough to need help yet. Asking for help means we’re going to have to face the proverbial music, and accept that our problem is bigger than we want to admit. Here’s the thing with “It’s not that bad.” Whenever someone says that, I reply with, “Yet.” Because if you’re worried about how much you’re drinking and you’re justifying it with words like, “It’s not that bad,” chances are, you’re on the path to where it is “that bad.” I would love to see you get help before you get to that point. You don’t need to hit rock bottom in order to find some help and support, and to find your way to sustained sobriety.
Lack of options: For many people, AA is the only program they know. If AA doesn’t resonate with them, it’s easy to think the only option is to go it alone. Check out the list of options above, or visit this blog post if you’re looking for support outside of AA. It’s out there, and it is absolutely possible to find help that feels like it fits with your life and your values.
It can also feel impossible to find support if you live rurally. Or perhaps you’re in a highly recognized position at work, in your community, or at your kids’ school, and feel like you’ll never be able to get support without being “found out”. (Which, of course, goes back to stigma.) There are many online resources that will let you find help and support, while allowing you to maintain your anonymity. Many of the resources listed above have online options with strangers from around the world. This is also a great time to look into addiction counseling, coaching, or other one-on-one resources to get the support you need.
So is it possible? Can you stop drinking without help?
In the end, it might be possible. It wasn’t for me, but I’m sure there are people who will tell you it was for them. But I believe in setting yourself up for success, and the first step in doing that is to make it as easy as possible. And for most people, that starts with finding the right kind of help.
We’re always available by email (throughtheglassrecovery@gmail.com) if you want some help figuring out what support options might be best for you – free, paid, one on one, or group. We’ve got the resources to help you find exactly what you need. Let us know if we can help.
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