For people who have quit drinking, the holiday season can feel like a maze of emotional landmines.
It brings joy, yes – but also pressure, exhaustion, family dynamics, grief, old memories, and traditions tightly woven with alcohol. Even people with solid sobriety often feel a sense of dread bubbling up by November.
And for those navigating their first sober holiday season?
It can feel like stepping into a familiar room where everything suddenly looks different.
In Episode 168 of the Through the Glass Recovery Podcast, hosts Julie Mille and Steve Knapp sit down with Janice Johnson Dowd, and Kristian Nylund to talk honestly about what holidays looked like when they were drinking, what the first sober holiday season is really like, and how things shift over time in ways that are both beautiful and unexpected.
If you want to watch the full conversation, the episode is embedded below – or keep reading for the insights, stories, and turning points that shaped their sober holiday journeys.
Before Sobriety, Holidays Revolved Around Drinking
Every person on the panel described their drinking years with one common thread:
alcohol wasn’t just part of the holiday – it was the center of it.
Kristian shared openly, “The holidays were a free-for-all. I looked forward to them because it gave me an excuse to drink early and drink as much as I wanted. It was total permission.”
Janice described how drinking crept into her celebrations over time: “Christmas slowly revolved around drinking… I’d wake up thinking about pouring my first vodka into a Diet Coke. I thought no one could smell it, but of course they did.”
Steve talked about the careful calculations that ruled his mind: “I’d eye up the bottles. If one was near the bottom, I’d drink out of the other so I wasn’t the one who finished it.”
Julie remembered being hyper-focused on alcohol instead of the people she loved: “My mind was on whether there’d be enough wine left for me… I wasn’t focused on my kids or my parents. Everything revolved around the drinking.”
It didn’t matter whether they drank at home, at family gatherings, or with friends – the emotional pattern was the same:
alcohol eclipsed connection, presence, and authenticity.
The First Sober Holidays Are Often the Hardest
Everyone agreed on this point:
the first holiday season without alcohol feels disorienting.
It’s awkward.
It’s emotional.
It’s unfamiliar.
And you think about drinking more than you want to admit.
Janice explained how she relied on structure and support: “I told my family ahead of time — at 11:30, I’m going to a meeting. Planning ahead anchored me when things felt shaky.”
Julie remembered the fear of being noticed: “I worked myself up worrying someone would ask why I wasn’t drinking… and nobody said a word.”
Kristian highlighted the mental shift required: “Whatever you focus on, you’re going to feel. If you walk in thinking, ‘This is going to suck,’ it will. It’s your first rep. It won’t stay this hard.”
And Steve emphasized preparation: “Preparation cures anxiety. I started thinking about Christmas in October – what I was worried about, what I wanted it to feel like, how I’d stay a step ahead of it.”
None of them describe the first year as easy.
But each one described something else too:
It didn’t stay that way.
What Changes Over Time: Presence, Gratitude, and New Traditions
By their second, third, fourth, and twelfth sober holiday seasons, things began transforming in ways none of them expected.
Janice
Her holidays look different now – her children are grown, some are married, and traditions naturally shifted.
“I’ve learned to appreciate a new normal… to enjoy the quiet, to let things look different than they used to.”
She also pointed out something important: sobriety makes old wounds more visible. “Triggers expose wounds that need attention. That’s part of growth.”
Kristian
For him, sober holidays became deeply meaningful: “The last two Christmases with my daughters have been magic. I soak up every moment. I don’t care who else is drinking. I’m focused on what I have right in front of me.”
His clarity brought a new kind of joy – noticing expressions, remembering details, giving more thoughtful gifts.
Steve
He described his holidays as a series of shifts:
“Christmas number one was awkward. Christmas number two, I was more confident. By Christmas three, I was anticipating the joy. Now, the small things feel enormous.”
Sobriety didn’t eliminate the hard parts. It just made room for meaning.
Julie
Her holidays have been marked by change – empty nesting, shifting family dynamics, loss, and rebuilding.
Some years were lonely. Some were quiet. Some were spent re-imagining traditions altogether.
But one truth remained: “A quiet, honest sober Christmas is still better than a chaotic drunk one – every single time.”
Sobriety didn’t promise magic.
It simply offered presence.
How to Prepare for a Sober Holiday Season
These were the themes echoed again and again in the episode:
1. Plan ahead
Decide what you’ll say.
Decide what you’ll drink.
Decide who you can text or call.
As Janice summarized: “Plan ahead and have support. Be prepared for awkward questions.”
2. Give equal energy to the good
Steve encouraged reframing: “Give 50 percent of your energy to the possibility that it could go well.”
3. Bring your own non-alcoholic drink
Holding something in your hand removes social pressure instantly.
4. Prepare a simple, non-dramatic response
No speeches needed.
No justifications.
Something like:
“I’m taking a break.”
Or: “Not tonight, but thanks.”
5. Watch others with curiosity, not judgment
Kristian called this “market research”: “Pay attention to how conversations shift after people drink. It helps you see things differently.”
6. Build or lean on community
Every person emphasized this.
You don’t get points for doing it alone.
You get support for reaching out.
7. Create things to look forward to
This was Julie’s biggest piece of advice: “Plan things intentionally that give you joy. Don’t wait for the holiday to feel good on its own.”
The Heart of It All
The holidays won’t always look the way they used to.
And that’s okay.
Traditions change.
Families change.
People grow apart and come back together.
Life shifts.
Sobriety doesn’t freeze your life in place – it gives you the understanding and presence to build something more meaningful as things evolve.
Whether your holiday is loud or quiet, joyful or complicated, full or tender:
You get to choose what it looks like.
You’re allowed to change the story.
And you don’t have to do any of it alone.
Want to hear the full conversation?
This post is based on Episode 168 of Through the Glass Recovery Podcast: “Sober Holidays: How to Navigate Family, FOMO, and Traditions”
Watch on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts / Spotify for more personal stories and insights from the hosts and guests.
Janice V. Johnson Dowd, LMSW, is an author, speaker, and social worker whose work focuses on family-centered recovery, generational healing, and rebuilding relationships impacted by addiction. She is the author of Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery (North Atlantic Books) and co-host of the Recovering Relationships podcast, where she helps families navigate boundaries, communication, and relational repair with compassion and clarity. Janice frequently speaks at professional social work and addiction conferences to help educate other mental health professionals, as well as at 12-step conferences to inspire and support individuals and families in recovery.
Website: https://janicejohnsondowd.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parenting_in_recovery
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@recoveringrelationships
Podcast: Recovering Relationships (Spotify/Apple)
Book: Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery (North Atlantic Books)
Kristian Nylund
Founder, Sober Identity™ | Sobriety & Peak Performance Coach
Kristian Nylund is a sobriety and peak-performance coach who helps high-achieving men quit alcohol, rewrite their identity, and become the fathers and leaders they were born to be. After more than 20 years of heavy drinking, Kristian made the decision to go all-in on sobriety on January 1st, 2023 — a moment that transformed his life, his parenting, his career, and his mission.
Today, Kristian blends deep emotional mastery, raw honesty, and high-performance coaching to guide men through the exact internal shifts required to remove alcohol for good. He also hosts the Sober Identity Podcast, where he shares powerful conversations and tools that help people build the strongest version of themselves.
A devoted father of two daughters and a longtime airline pilot, Kristian’s mission is simple and bold:
help people make the best decision of their life by choosing sobriety — and show them the extraordinary life waiting on the other side.
For more about sober holidays, be sure to check out these episodes:
- Sober Holidays: How to Navigate Family, FOMO, and Traditions - November 24, 2025
- How to Socialize Without Alcohol: Real Stories and Practical Tips - November 17, 2025
- Anger in Sobriety: Learning to Feel It Without Losing Control - November 10, 2025