If you’ve ever wondered how to have fun without drinking, you’re not alone. Most of us built our social lives around alcohol – celebrations, stress relief, holidays, even casual nights out all revolved around a drink in hand. When you take alcohol away, you’re left facing a big question: how do I connect with people now?
Watch the full episode above, or keep reading below for key takeaways and stories from our guests about learning to socialize without alcohol.
In this conversation from Through the Glass Recovery Podcast, hosts Julie Miller and Steve Knapp sit down with recovery coach Nele Cashmore and influencer Jayne Murphy to talk about what happens when you take alcohol out of your social life – and how to rebuild real confidence, fun, and belonging in sobriety.
“It’s kind of awkward at first when you stop drinking and still try to go out and hang out with your friends,” Julie said. “We just want people to know it’s totally normal to feel uncomfortable at first.”
Why Socializing Feels So Hard After You Quit Drinking
For many of us, alcohol wasn’t just a drink – it was our social safety net. It quieted our anxiety, made us feel confident, and helped us “fit in.”
“Alcohol was everything,” said Nele. “I started drinking at 13 or 14, so I never really learned how to socialize without it. It was the lubricant for everything.”
“For me,” Jayne added, “it was the fear of being boring. I went from being the life of the party to… what? But you realize pretty quick, nobody’s really watching you as much as you think.”
Steve shared that same realization from his own experience:
“When I drank, I felt like I could ease my way into any crowd. Without alcohol, I had to learn how to interact again – how to find courage inside myself instead of at the bottom of a glass.”
That courage, they all agreed, doesn’t come overnight. It’s awkward. It takes practice. And it means facing the social anxiety that alcohol used to cover up.
Relearning How to Connect – Without Liquid Courage
In early sobriety, even a simple dinner with friends can feel like walking into a spotlight. Every word feels overanalyzed.
“I was so worried about what I was saying,” Julie shared. “Even when I was with friends I loved, I couldn’t focus on the conversation. I kept wondering if I sounded stupid or had food in my teeth. I didn’t know how to just be me.”
That discomfort is something most sober people go through – but it doesn’t last forever. The group agreed that relearning how to connect sober is a process, but it’s also one of the most rewarding parts of recovery.
“You start figuring out what the real version of you looks like,” Steve said. “And when people accept that version of you – not the drunk one – that’s when you start to feel real belonging.”
Looking for a chance to connect with others in sobriety? Be sure to check out our free weekly Zoom support group – click here to learn more!
How to Handle Parties, Holidays, and Social Pressure
The holidays, family gatherings, and parties can feel especially triggering in early sobriety. But they don’t have to be avoided – they just need a little planning.
“I used to bring my own soda water or order mocktails,” Nele shared. “It made me feel included without having to explain anything. And if someone asks why you’re not drinking – you don’t owe them an answer.”
Jayne laughed about her first sober Thanksgiving as an Irish Catholic from Boston:
“Turkey just gets in the way! But I had non-alcoholic beer, and nobody noticed or cared. People are too focused on themselves. I learned fast – nobody’s watching you as closely as you think.”
Steve added,
“The most freeing thing was realizing I’m not as special as I thought. Everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves.”
For anyone nervous about social events, Julie suggests preparing a few easy questions to ask others:
“If you don’t know what to say, ask people about themselves. Once the conversation starts rolling, the pressure melts away.”
Steve’s go-to question?
“What are you passionate about? People light up when they answer that.”
Finding Fun and Adrenaline in Sobriety
Without alcohol, it’s easy to believe life will be dull – but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“There was an adrenaline rush when I sang karaoke sober,” Steve said. “I was terrified, but when people started cheering, it was the best high I’d had in years.”
Julie agreed:
“We used to get that rush from drinking – sneaking it, chasing it, numbing out. But you can find that same excitement in healthy ways: hiking, climbing, trying something new. It’s a real, lasting kind of fun.”
And Nele, a self-described concert lover, shared how she made her favorite activities work without drinking:
“I used to blackout at Red Rocks and not remember a thing. Now, I go with sober friends, plan ahead, and actually remember the shows. That’s the best part.”
Rebuilding a Sober Social Life
Finding new ways to connect often means finding new people – and that’s okay.
“If you realize you don’t actually enjoy certain people or places without alcohol,” Julie said, “it’s probably because they weren’t really your people to begin with.”
Nele added,
“Do it scared. Do it alone if you have to. Or find someone to walk beside you. It’s worth it.”
There are countless ways to meet others in sobriety – sober hiking groups, community meetups, book clubs, recovery groups, even alcohol-free bars and events. As Jayne put it,
“Nine times out of ten, when you tell someone you don’t drink, they’ll say, ‘I’ve been thinking about cutting back too.’ You’ll be surprised how many people are in the same place you were.”
Be Patient With Yourself
Relearning how to socialize without alcohol takes time. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier – and it gets better.
“Be patient,” Jayne said. “Give yourself time to get to know yourself, and then you can get to know others.”
“The awkwardness isn’t permanent,” Steve added. “None of it is. You just have to get through that phase, and what’s on the other side is worth it.”
Sobriety doesn’t take away your ability to connect – it helps you find the courage to do it as yourself.
Nele is the Recovery Program Coordinator at The Health Partnership. Check out her work at:
Website: Thehealthpartnership.org
Want to hear the full conversation?
This post is based on Episode 167 of Through the Glass Recovery Podcast: “Socializing Without Alcohol.”
Watch on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts / Spotify for more personal stories and insights from the hosts and guests.
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